That summer before a child goes off to college is often filled with a wide range of emotions for parents. For divorced co-parents, it also typically marks the end of their custody agreement and parenting plan.
If you’re among these parents, you know your child will still count on both of you to be there for them – and to work together to support them even while you’re letting them take the first important steps toward being an independent adult.
If you’ve already worked out how much you’re financially supporting your child during their college years (particularly tuition, room and board and books) as part of your divorce agreement, you’ll have one less thing to worry about. If you haven’t, it’s wise to codify that.
How your college student divides their time
With the end of the custody agreement, your child will ultimately be the one to decide how they’ll divide their time between your homes during school breaks and perhaps some weekends. You may want to work out an informal agreement with your child, at least regarding how they’ll spend holiday and other breaks during that first year. You may even want to continue with a modified version of your parenting plan
It’s crucial, however, not to make them feel guilty if you don’t think they’re spending enough time with you or make them feel they “owe” you more time if you’re the parent contributing more financially to their education. When college students feel like they’re being manipulated by either or both parents, they may choose to spend breaks at a friend or other relative’s house, traveling or even at school.
Keeping track of incidental expenses
If you’re both helping out with your college student’s incidental expenses, like clothes, room décor and supplies and miscellaneous fees, it’s a good idea to keep a shared expense record on a co-parenting app. This way, you’re tracking expenses together and you aren’t both giving your child money for the same thing. Your child has probably learned by now if it’s easy to play one parent against the other or to “conspire” with a parent to do something the other parent doesn’t know about.
These are just a couple of things to consider. What’s important is to show your child that you’re still a parenting team, but that you’re also both there for them to reach out to individually as they navigate this new and exciting phase of their life.