It’s not uncommon for parents to have very different opinions about what kind of school their children should attend. Some want their child to go to a private school, if it’s affordable for them. Others think a public school is fine – especially if the ones in their area have a good reputation. Still others prefer a religious-based school or something less traditional, like a Montessori school or a specialized school for those with performing or technical abilities.
When parents are separated or divorced, those differences of opinion can become magnified. So who decides?
If a couple co-parents their child after separation and divorce, they generally share both physical and legal custody. Physical custody refers to where a child spends their time. Legal custody determines how major life decisions for a child are made. This includes their schooling as well as religious upbringing and medical care.
What to prioritize
If co-parents share legal custody, that typically means they need to reach an agreement on important matters involving their child’s education. While this can be challenging, particularly while feelings about the end of the marriage may still be raw, it helps to commit to prioritize what’s best for the child.
It’s also smart to focus on practical considerations like price and location first so that only realistic options are considered. In the early days after parental separation, it’s typically best to minimize disruptions in a child’s life. Transferring them to another school, unless it’s necessary due to relocation, is definitely a disruption.
Getting other opinions
When both parents feel like they know what’s best for their child, but they have two very different opinions about their education, it may help to get a more neutral point of view – perhaps from a therapist or a co-parenting specialist. Depending on the child’s age, it’s a good idea for parents to ask them – as long as they’ll take their opinion and feelings seriously.
A child’s education is certainly something that needs to be addressed in the parenting plan. It may also need to be considered in any child support order and possibly the custody order. The more comprehensively co-parents can codify matters around their child’s current and future education as they divorce, the less likely they are to have serious conflicts later.