When you married “for better or worse,” you didn’t anticipate your spouse’s mental illness. Mental illness can manifest in anxiety and depression. It can also include things like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and schizophrenia.
While love can help couples persevere through a lot of difficult times, there may come a time when a marriage with a mentally ill spouse becomes unsustainable. Here are some times when it’s necessary to consider that possibility.
Your own mental or physical health is in danger
If your spouse’s mental illness results in abusive or threatening behavior – whether the abuse is emotional, verbal or physical – you have to prioritize your safety. If the relationship is causing you to feel chronically anxious, sink into a depression yourself or be fearful for your physical safety, it’s time to reevaluate your determination to stay.
They’re refusing to seek help despite your support
Supporting a spouse with mental illness often requires helping them obtain therapy and medication and make lifestyle changes. However, not everyone with mental illness appreciates that help. If your spouse refuses to seek treatment or consistently engages in self-destructive behavior, you may be pouring your energy into a bottomless hole of need.
Your relationship has become co-dependent
In a healthy relationship, spouses support each other through rough times. When one spouse becomes “responsible” for managing the other’s mental health, they can end up sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the other. If you find yourself sacrificing your own self-care, friendships or goals because you have to constantly manage your spouse’s moods, health or actions, you may be in a co-dependent loop that reinforces their ability to avoid treatment, growth or change.
Leaving a spouse with mental health issues is a very difficult and personal decision. However, there are circumstances where your well-being, safety – or even your partner’s best interest – might compel you to consider stepping away.