People generally admire happily blended families. They especially admire co-parenting teams that involve the biological parents who are no longer together and their new spouses or significant others.
Often, however, they see these families as a rarity. In fact, it doesn’t have to be difficult to achieve as long as everyone has mutual respect and puts the children’s well-being ahead of whatever differences or resentments they have with one another.
You can do your part to create that happily blended family for your child when your ex introduces their first serious post-divorce partner into the mix. Here are a few tips that can help.
Consider the new partner a “bonus”
No child is harmed by having an additional adult in their lives who cares about them. Not only can your ex’s new partner help out with school drop-offs and pick-ups and other practical things. They might provide an added sounding board or shoulder when your child doesn’t feel comfortable telling you about something or just when you might not be available.
Some scheduling and coordination are important. You don’t need your ex’s partner showing up at school pick-up without notice when you already left work early. Further, it’s best for your ex to ask if their partner can come along to a parent event like a parent-teacher conference.
There may be areas where the new partner might enjoy doing something you’re happy to give up. This could include anything from sitting through soccer games to helping with math homework.
Resist the urge to be competitive
Be aware that your child will develop some affection for this new adult and parental figure in their lives – especially if they become a part of the family. The most difficult part of dealing with your spouse’s new partner is often not feeling competitive with them about everything – including your child’s love. It’s not like they have a finite amount of love for parental figures. It can and will simply expand.
Remember that one day you’ll likely have a significant other in your life (if you don’t already) who wants to be involved in your child’s life. You will want your ex to give them the same respect they’re asking from you.
Sometimes, a new partner or spouse warrants some changes in the parenting plan to further codify everyone’s responsibilities. Having experienced legal guidance can help you with any needed modifications.