As the new school year begins, families everywhere experience a shift in their daily rhythms. For divorced co-parents sharing custody of their children, this transition can be particularly challenging. Even when a detailed parenting plan is in place, the start of school brings new routines, responsibilities and potential conflicts that require careful navigation. Parents need to ensure the well-being of their children during the transition, but they also have work and other outside obligations that they may need to juggle.
Here are some challenges and how to potentially address them as parents work the kinks out of the family’s new routine:
- Scheduling conflicts: The school year introduces a variety of activities, from sports practices to parent-teacher conferences. Coordinating these events between two households can be difficult, especially when parents have busy schedules. Establishing clear and consistent communication channels is essential. Use tools like co-parenting apps (see below), emails, or scheduled phone calls to keep each other informed about school-related matters.
- Communication breakdowns: Effective communication is crucial, but it can be strained between divorced parents. Misunderstandings or lack of communication about school events, homework, and other responsibilities can lead to confusion and frustration. Utilize a shared digital calendar to track important dates, such as school events, extracurricular activities and custody schedules. This helps both parents stay organized and reduces the likelihood of scheduling conflicts.
- Consistency in rules and expectations: Children thrive on consistency, but maintaining uniform rules and expectations across two households can be challenging. Differences in parenting styles may lead to confusion and behavioral issues for the children. While it’s unlikely that the two homes will mirror each other, parents can work together to establish consistent rules and expectations for the children across both households. It includes homework routines, bedtimes and disciplinary measures.
- Emotional stress for children: The start of a new school year is often stressful for children, and this stress can be compounded by the dynamics of living in two homes. Children may feel torn between parents or anxious about the changes in their routine, particularly if the divorce is recent and there is a change in schools. While we talk about rules and expectations in the last entry, parents also need to understand what their children are going through and be patient with the understanding that stress levels will return to normal over time. If the kid or kids don’t settle in, it may be time to talk to a mental health professional who works with children.
- Financial strain: School-related expenses, such as supplies, extracurricular activities and field trips, can add up quickly. Divorced parents must navigate how to share these costs, which can sometimes lead to disagreements. While the discussion may be difficult, talk and try to agree on how to handle school-related expenses in advance. Consider setting up a joint account for school costs or using a budgeting app to track and share expenses.
Communication is key
Communication is important for solving these and other issues that arise, but it can be difficult for couples who divorce. With that in mind, there are several highly recommended and court-approved co-parenting apps that help parents manage communication, scheduling and other aspects of co-parenting. The list includes OurFamily Wizard, Talking Parents, 2Houses, AppClose and WeParent. One of these can help facilitate otherwise tricky communication.